A Year Later

It has been one year and 10 days since Frank left for bootcamp. I lived in London for 4 months, came home to our first reunion for Christmas and moved into my new abode in Columbus. 

Our first few days and weeks together for Christmas were fantastic. It was fun, loving, happy and carefree. Unfortunately, a big winter storm blew in and forced him to return to base early. Over the past 7 months we have done our best to talk every day, share laughs and plan small visits. I went for his birthday at the end of January and did not see him again until the end of April. I flew to him after my semester was over and spent time there. We took our engagement pictures, set a date and began the adventure of planning a wedding. 

There was a surprise visit for one day in June. I was at my friend's house in Pennsylvania. If we both drove to a halfway mark, we could stay in Clinton, NJ for one night. My friends and I piled in my car and went on a small road trip. Even a tiny quick visit like that was perfection. The last time I saw him was last weekend, with his parents. It wasn't the most pleasant weekend for my grandma had died the week before, I drove to Dallas from Ohio to see her before she passed and was too late. But now I have my flight booked and I am going to go 'pick him up' after his Graduation from Submarine School and drive back to Ohio with him. 

Over the course of these 12 months, I have learned a vast amount of things about life, happiness, faith and love. For those of you who think a military love is romantic, adventurous and cute... It is, but do not underestimate the hardships you will have with that. It is not always romantic and is only cute if you are lucky enough to snap a picture of you together to hold on to for the next 2 months of distance. The distance is workable. You can drive. You can fly. You can take a train. But the problem is among other things. If he has a 3 day weekend, he is on duty. If you have the time, you don't have the money. But if you scrimp and save, the time you spend together is well worth anything money could buy. 

Over the past 12 months I have learned that there will be temptation. You will be sad, lonely, and craving hugs. Anyone will try to get to you. They do not care if you are dating someone, if you are engaged, or if you are married. Men will be forward with you and try to take you from your sailor. It is a sad truth and it is hard. Why would you wait around for someone you see every 3 months for 2 days when you could have this perfectly handsome man every day? You wait because it is true love. You know where you heart is and it is not in the bar, the club or the park. Your heart is somewhere out at sea with a man who is as sad and lonely as you are. I am not trying to say men will swarm you, but in the course of a year, there have been a handful. Its frustrating and you have to remain calm to tell them no. 

Over the past 12 months I have learned patience. I have the patience to not hear from him for a day or two and how that he loves me still. He hasn't texted yet, not because he is mad at me, or because he has forgotten me. He hasn't texted me because he is working. In today's society people go crazy if they have not gotten a text from their other half for 15 minutes. Patience is a virtue. I have gained patience that I thought I was never capable of. In the military, you have to be ready for an unexpected departure. He has to leave a day early? OK, so be it. I have watched women sob because they haven't see their honey in a week and he has to come home a day later than usual. Get over it, at least he is coming home! It is difficult, but you cannot whine and complain. He doesn't want to leave you anymore than you want him to. But he has a job, a duty and that is his life. It is your life now too. 

Over the past 12 months I have learned that shit will happen. You will have terrible things happen to you in your life. You have to overcome these things. Not only for your spouse, but for yourself. You need to be happy. So your parents moved 1200 miles from the home you grew up in, so your grandmother passed away at 80, so your brother is mad at you, so your apartment is haunted, or so your best friend has turned their back on you. You may feel alone. You will feel alone because even though we have friends and other family around us, he is not always there. He will not be able to be there with you and hold your hand while you stand at your grandmothers funeral. He may not be there for you when you cower in your room wishing he was there to hold you. But you will always find a way of surviving. And let me tell you the best advice I have for you when you are low. You do not turn to your friends, to the bottle, to your parents, to temporary happiness. You turn the pages of your bible and cling to God. He will carry you when you are weak, and he will love you when you are lonely. He will sit with you when you just want someone to sit with. All you have to do is ask. Your life is only as terrible as you let it be. You cannot depend on your significant other to always carry you, to hold you, or to sit with you. He will when he can, but you should always have God in your heart to help you heal. 

Over the past 12 months I have learned about trust. I have learn that you should not trust on a whim. In Mexico for spring break, I never would have thought that a maid would really steal my engagement ring but while I was rock climbing by the ocean, she did and it is gone. A friend of a friend cannot be dangerous, I thought. I thought wrong. Boys are boys and will always try. It is a complicated thing, being friends with boys. I do not believe you can truly be friends with them without someone having some sort of feelings. So now I have decided to not even bother and you will realize that you do not need them. Why would you? You have your love, your Lord, your father, your brothers, your uncles. Those are the only men you should truly have in your life.

Over the past year I have learned so much about life. The past year has taught me much and it is only the beginning of it. I was ready for a romantic love story of a sailor and his gypsy wife, but it turns out, it isn't always peaches and cream yall! You still have to work for your happiness. You can't expect someone to hand it to you. 

Hold on tight, Jozi because we are moving to Georgia and starting true deployments on some of the finest machines the world has ever seen. Welcome to the life of the US Navy. Be strong. Be courageous. Be Happy. and Be a Badass Everyday.

Pass In Review

                The week before Frank’s Pass In Review Ceremony (Graduation), I had many lessons and many tests. Do not assume, do not drink too much, do not park on side streets, do not do this or that. Tuesday I went to the dentist to get 2 cavities filled, and I am deathly afraid of the Novocain needles. Wednesday I signed a lease for an apartment in Columbus for 6 months with my best friend, starting in January. Wednesday night, my 11 year old Yellow Labrador, Buford, was put down because he was old and couldn’t move anymore… That was difficult.

                Wednesday night I pack my bag for London and PIR. After I was finished weighing my big suitcase half a dozen times, I loaded my car, and came back inside to bid my dogs goodbye (I would see my family later that weekend). I couldn’t find Buford. I asked Cole where he was. At any rate, I left the house looking like a raccoon. I had eye makeup all over my face.

                The drive to Chicago was bearable. The wait the next morning was bearable. The temperature in the big building was torture! I was in a lacy blue dress with a white ribbon around my waist, accented with the blue and gold division ribbon that I made a couple weeks ago.

                After waiting 2 hours, a few band songs, a march of flags, and a couple trips to the bathroom, the big doors to the auditorium opened wide and the sun shone through. Division 321 marched in to the beat of the strong drums sounding throughout the hall. Once 321 and 322 passed, 323 came marching in, and I spotted Frank within seconds. He looked perfect.

                The whole ceremony I just stared at him. I was in the 4^th row of bleachers, in the isle for a hasty escape. Some important people gave speeches, sailors got awards, and Chief Ditimius prowled up and down the rows of his division. After veterans stood up to be recognized, Frank spotted us. He stared at me too. Careful not to crack a smile so Chief didn’t see. Although, near the end, when officers started to evacuate the building, and liberty was about to be called, I jolted my head around sharply in all directions to see what was going on. I looked like a child waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. Frank saw me react, and I saw him grin. I grinned back, and then he made a full on smile, eyebrows raised. They called “Liberty”. I ran. He ran. It didn’t take long to get to him.

                We only had 8 hours together that Friday. But with the help of his parents, and his sister and fiancé, something special happened at a park. He popped out a glorious diamond ring and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. I’ve only ever wanted to be married to a military man, and it was even better that is was Frank, the love of my life, my sun and stars, you know.

                Looking back on the proposal, I cannot help but laugh, as we were stalked mostly the entire time by his mom, who was attempting to drop eaves and snap pictures from across the water. I am blessed and glad we are loved so dearly by our families, but I feel that an engagement is a private affair. The wedding is the social part! We posed for classic purposal pictures to post on facebook, here, and to show our extended family.

                When we left the park, I was walking by Bill and said “Hi Dad”. He gave me the “I am going to kill you look”. And we both laughed.

                The rest of the day was great, we all hung out until it was time to leave for the base again. Bill and I dropped Frank off around 6:30pm and went back to the hotel after a disappointing visit at the Navy Exchange. I did not get to sleep until 11:30 or so, due to repacking my big suitcase so everything fit and it wasn’t over weight… I woke up at 3:25, frantic because I had overslept by 25 minutes. I made up for lost time, left my room at 3:30 (the scheduled departure time) and still looked like a babe in a black dress, tan scarf and leather boots. We didn’t leave the hotel until 3:45 though…

                We spotted Frank in a sea of white sailors and walked over to him. We worked our way through security and found a restaurant to have a spot of breakfast. Wolfgang Puck is not exactly fabulous. Saying goodbye was not super difficult as I was extremely tired and just wanted to go to sleep more than anything. I know we have a great future ahead, and can talk almost every day now. The hard part is over.

                I am at my gate at Chicago O’Hare, waiting for my turn. This is the start of the next page in my chapter of college. I am on my way to London England for 3 ½ months. And it looks like I have to start planning a wedding. Where do I get a cask of wine? Or five. 

Recruit Training Command

I said "good-bye" to my Sailor Recruit on July the first of the longest summer of my life. It was gently raining that day as I hugged him tight, and proceeded to my car. It poured as I drove off towards my destination.

The first two weeks went by without a ray of sunshine. Northeastern Ohio poured rain for days with no sign or hope of it stopping. The silence was as steady as the rainfall. I busied myself with as many activities and friends as I could, but nothing can fill the void of that he left.

The weeks pressed on and people got more and less interested in my life. "Are you ok?", "how are you doing with Frank gone". I am fine and I don't want to talk about it. I didn't like talking about how I felt, because no one but people who go through this understand. People would comment or ignore on my life's status'. Either way, I don't care what others do or thinkof me, I just worry about me and my SR.

On Saturday July 13th, I was getting ready to mow the lawn (my favorite household chore). I walked into the house to grab the mower key and as I was walking outside to the mower, my ringtone was sounding from the machine. I knew who it was. I sprinted to the garage, and answered the call from Waukegan, Illinois. The call lasted 15 minutes but it was the best 15 minutes of the past two weeks.

Frank said he had gotten my letters and he loved reading them. I should expect letters to arrive in the mail on Wednesday of that week. I stalked the post woman that day.

On and on the days went, the next slower than the past. I powered through my online summer classes, awaiting my final exams the next weekend.

The third week was dragging, on and on and that Saturday, Frank's grandfather passed away. I was at his' parent's house on Sunday when they got to call him and give him the news. He did not take it super hard, as he was not close to his grandfather, he was worried about his dad's well being. I told him to stay strong and to carry on in boot-camp like a brave little toaster.

Little did we know he would be allowed to attend the funeral that was taking place in Milwaukee, Wi that Friday. His parent's had already left the following morning, so I packed my bags Thursday night, took a Math final in Elyria, then drove out of Ohio, through Indiana, through Chicago (in rush hour) and up to Milwaukee, without an Air Conditioner in my car. I think I lost 5 pounds the entire drive.

I arrived at the hotel where his parents were staying, checked into my room, and started to take my online Astronomy final. I finished around 10pm, then I got ready for bed.

I slept 3 hours.

We left the hotel around 5am to pick Frank up. It was pouring big fat rain. Once we figured out where he was on base, we found him, standing there in the rain with a backpack, heavy raincoat, cracker jacks complete with the Dixie cup hat. He climbed into the cherry red Mercedes and smiled at me while his RDC said in a stern masculine voice with arms folded across her chest "don't be late". We gave each other our "dear god" look. 

I wasn't sure what to say. It was surreal to have him sitting next to me. His parents gabbed and bickered a bit about directions. We got breakfast at a small place near base. 

The weekend was great. Well, as great as it can be when attending a funeral. I met some of Franks family, had a nice meal, got teary eyed during the funeral service, and held my SR's hand for 36 hours. I don't think I ever let go, willingly. 

Frank wanted a small pocket Bible to take back with him. He said all of the ones there are NIV and are lame. He likes the King James Version. So we got that at Barnes and Nobles after a slice of cheesecake and coffee at Cheesecake Factory. We also bought Q-Tips and a tank of gas. 

Saying goodbye was just as hard, if not more hard than the first time. Although, this time it wasn't raining. 

It is now August 19th, and the countdown is getting shorter. It is almost time to leave for Graduation. It's gotten harder for me to write letters, with time constrains and lack of words to say. I know he is doing well. I expect a phone call Friday. 

Bootcamp will soon be over, and the next journey will begin.

Housekeeping

Frank and I may not yet be married, but I wanted to name the Blog "Life of a Sailors Wife" because it Rhymes and sounds cute. So, once we are married (when ever that is) I will be sure to let you know.


It was sometime in mid-April 2013 when Frank first went to see Petty Officer Fel (I am not sure if I should put his full name, I don't want to break any rules of sorts) to inquire about a position in the United States Navy. I was currently in Mansfield, preparing for my final exams at Ohio State University when Frank called to tell me that he was planning on going to MEPS in Cleveland the following day (which was a Friday).

I was really excited for him and encouraged him to go but to be careful because they are persuasive and to not sign up for anything he didn't want to do. So he went, he got a physical, he picked a job, and he signed two papers stating that he volunteers to work as a sonar technician on a Submarine in the US Navy.

I am Student Jozlyn Parker, reporting live from Ohio (for now) to tell you about life as a girlfriend of a United States Sailor. My sailor is SR Heckel  Frank and this is our story.